What a great night I had yesterday. After having dinner with a friend and his girldfriend in a fantastic vegetarian restaurant in Paris called Le Potagere du Marais, I was walking back to my friend’s flat alone, for he had left to walk her girlfriend home. Since it was too early for me to go home (11.45 pm), I decided to wander around my favourite Parisian neighbourhood, Le Marais.

My wandering was aimless and relaxed, until on Rue de Rivoli I passed in front a Jazz cave, 38 Riv. The posters outside attracted my attention, the fact that there was nobody at the entrance, only a sign indicating “entrée libre” gave me way to go all the way down (two floors) a spiral staircase to a real cave where a jazz orchestra was playing and many people were entranced by the music. What a great feeling I had! While going down the stairs, I could hear the music closer and closer. The saxophone, the piano, the drums…I had said to my friend I’ll be in an hour in the flat, but this was an experience impossible to leave. I sent him a text to join me in 38 Riv. We stayed there until 2.30! Nearly at the end, a Brazilian who was in the audience jumped into the stage to play a beautiful bossa nova song. Now, let the videos I recorded speak…

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Nada de lo que pasa ocurre sin razón. A veces ésta hay que buscarla no en el pasado, pero en el futuro. En esos momentos necesitamos ser pacientes. Tenemos que esperar a que lo que venga nos dé el significado de lo que se ha ido.

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I need to control my tendency to feel instead of thinking. Feeling is much more unstable. Patience, consistency and perseverance are virtues to realize one’s dreams. These are only possible with discipline.

How wrong I was! My anxiety and internal tension didn’t come because I was feeling too much, it was because I was not letting my emotions flow. I was repressing them under a layer of rationality and analytical logic, which invaded every aspect of my life, more and more since my adolescence. And at the period when I wrote that note it was becoming even more persistent, as its contents shows. Hindering the natural flow of my emotions meant that they accumulated until they exploded in sudden bursts for any little thing in a fight against the world. This made me extremely anxious and unhappy. This made unhappy the person who was closest to me. I hope I could mend it.

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We had breakfast today at Paul in Covent Garden. I didn’t propose the place, he did. I mention it because this was our favourite place where we used to have breakfast together on Sundays when she was in London. A curious coincidence. The conversation between us flowed like a torrent. He is a very interesting and entertaining guy to talk with. It made my day. But it doesn’t end here. At 11 am, Anne McCrossan (@annemcx) came to Paul to meet Johnnie. And there we were, three people sharing a London morning with warm tea, coffee and some pastries. The conversation became a huge river of ideas between us. I couldn’t wish for better company, really. Thanks to both of you. What a treat!

While having our last drinks (this time at the BFI bar in Southbank, after a lovely walk from Covent Garden), I got another little surprise. I got a Facebook message on my iPhone. It was Rogelio Queijeiro (@chicho_malbixo) saying that he had seen my posts, and offering his support, though I have never met him. This means a lot to me. Thank you.

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